Where is the Joy?

I'm having one of those days.

You know. The kind where I have a to-do list that needs tending to, but my active thoughts are in a completely different hemisphere. Do you ever have those days? The list looming, while the brain just wants to sit and ruminate on something the Lord has been speaking to you? And then you know you need to get it all written down because that same brain is capable of completely deleting the current revelations that won't let you go?

It's pretty bad for me today.

I went to grab a notepad off my desk to write down something the Holy Spirit has been whispering to me in my reading time for two days now, and the words I see at the top of the first page on the notepad read: In Christ. And so I think, "Sweet! The Lord is just waiting for me to write this down right on this very notepad" ...and then at second glance, I realize it actually says: Thin Crust.
Yep...it was the first line in a list I had written for ordering pizza for the family one night two weeks ago.

Yep...one of those days.

So, while the list has been made...not the pizza list, the to-do list...and the laundry is started, I want to tell you a bit about what God has been whispering to me. And while you might think, "why would I care what God is saying to you?" I think some of this is universal to us all. If you are having any kind of struggle with where God has you right now. If you are wondering what's next. If you are even thinking, "I would be so much more content if _________ happened." You might want to hear some of what God has been whispering. When He whispers, I tend to lean in...just a bit closer because I don't want to miss it.

Let me back up a bit...I believe it actually started with a dream. Now I don't dream very often, and when I do I don't tend to remember details...especially days after the dream occurs. So, when this happens I take note. Literally. I write it down in my journal. Yes, it might have just been indigestion from the pizza I had the night before or it could have just been from concerns of the day working themselves out in my dreams. But I write them down because every so often they are confirmed to have been a prompting or nudging or just flat out a message from the Holy Spirit.

So, bear with me as I share what I wrote in my journal that morning:

May 3, 2108. Thursday

 I had a dream last night that won't leave my thoughts.

Scene one: A man came to stay with us, but I somehow was not prepared. The room he was supposed to stay in looked pretty much like our toy room...a wall to wall mess! I was mortified! Rod (the hubs) was not happy. And the next thing that happens? I just walk away...apparently feeling powerless, not knowing what to do. I left Rod with the guest. 

Scene two: I was standing in front of a long rack of clothes looking for something appropriate to wear to a meeting I was to attend...church meeting? conference? I don't even know, but apparently, we were all going this event. So I picked out an outfit and shoes and put them on. 

Scene three: At the event, I meet with this man again, our guest. I think perhaps he was the speaker at the event, but I don't remember anything other than meeting him there.

Scene four:  Back at the house, apparently following the event.  I walked back into the guest room to find it immaculate. Everything had been picked up and put away. The hardwood floors were spotless (in real life our guest bedroom has carpeting and no toys on the floor). The small bed in the corner of the room had been neatly made (in real life we have a queen bed in the guest room). And suddenly I realized that the clothes that I had worn to the meeting/event were off somehow...like maybe they were inappropriate for the weather and I had two different shoes on. 

I know...weird, right?

In my journal, I had followed the dream by writing down a few thoughts:

 Is this just a random dream from my subconscious? Maybe about getting the house in order as we prepare for a possible move late summer or early fall? Worry about not being ready?
(Side note: we are currently renting so a move closer to the church would make so much more sense).
Or perhaps this is from God. Do I need to prepare for the next thing He has for me?

I really had no clue what it all meant. But I knew in writing it down that I would be able to return to it if need be, when...and if...the Lord began to confirm its meaning through other events.

Just 7 days later I wrote these words in my journal:

May 10, 2018. Thursday p.m. 

                       WHERE IS THE JOY?!? 

That was it. Just three words. I honestly don't even remember what happened to prompt me to write those words down, but apparently, at the time something had occurred that made me question God.

You see, in the past two years, I have had multiple people prophesy over me that God is going to restore my joy. I thought...what? I have joy! I'm not a 'joyless' person.  

And then it occurred to me... when I was younger I had so much more joy that it was evident to others around me.  My mama would tell me that I was such a happy little girl that I would go around singing all the time. In my teens, an older gentleman in the choir at my church nicknamed me Happy. Even my husband has told me that I don't sing around the house the way I used to. I realized that I'm not THAT joy-filled girl anymore. What happened?

A song is playing in my head. Cue the song, Where is the Love? sung by Roberta Flack. Only in my head, I am hearing the word love replaced with the word joy.

Where is the joy?
You said was mine all mine, 'till the end of time

Was it just a lie?
Where is the joy?

 I know ...I know! The rest of the song is totally inappropriate to my point. Still...it's on replay in my brain. And so I cry out with the words of the psalmist, "Restore to me the joy of my salvation!"

Sometimes,  life creeps in...disappointment, unmet expectation, family illness, death, you name it...bringing with it all the drama and trauma to destroy our boundless joy in the Lord. It can happen...and the boundless energy that joy brings is replaced with a 'tired' that just sits in your bones. You know what I mean? Even though we are relatively happy and still trusting in the goodness of God...that bone aching weariness can set in and steal our joy.  I was and am still...aching and waiting for my joy to be restored.

So you may be asking, "What does this have to do with what God is speaking to you? or What's with that weird dream?" And quite frankly, so am I!  But bear with me. The pieces of the puzzle are slowly coming together. I think God is beginning to make some of this clear. And with what's not clear?  I'll just choose to trust Him with that.

I consulted with my daughter, who has a bit more wisdom and experience with prophetic dream interpretation and she said shoes indicate something about 'direction' in life...as in the direction of the path I am going, or the focus of that direction. Makes sense. In Ephesians, we read that shoes represent readiness.

And as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.                    ~Ephesians 6:15

Perhaps the mismatched shoes indicate more than one path and a struggle in knowing which direction to take. The whole scenario that played out in my dream seems to indicate that I'm at a crossroads in my life,  maybe even being pulled in two different directions or more. But I'm not ready to step forward yet...I'm not prepared for the next thing. But how do I prepare for something when I don't even know what I am preparing for?

After much contemplation over all of this, I heard from the Lord again, directly from His Word...

Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might. ~Ecclesiastes 9:10

Wow...this really resonated with me. Do what I can with what is in my hand. 

So I began to contemplate the question: What is in my hand?  

 Maybe this was the answer to the direction my life is to take and in taking this direction the Lord is going to restore my joy.


And what is in my hand?

• Wife, mama, and Gigi (to two amazing grandsons).
• Caregiver to our mildly disabled son
• A joint venture in a re-church plant with my husband as lead pastor, my daughter as Creative Arts Worship Pastor, son-in-law who volunteers as a youth sponsor and teacher, and my son joining in where he can be ministering in ways that only he can with the way God has woven the effects of his disability, the strong convictions of his faith, and his love for others together to touch the hearts of so many.
• Overseeing and co-leading a (small) women's ministry as well as leading a Propel Women Chapter.  
• Years of experience as a Voice Teacher/Vocal Coach...currently using my gifts in this area as a vocalist and keyboardist with our worship team.
• Writer/ blogger 
• Teacher...more specifically a Bible Teacher, although I am not currently leading any Bible Studies...lest you think I am doing too much. 

But here's the thing. I still don't really know that I am to do something specific...a specific vocation, or ministry or just a specific new direction at this juncture in my life. I am still praying and asking for clarity. When I take a look at 'what is in my hand' I feel a tad bit overwhelmed, because it's not that I'm sitting around doing nothing, after all.

Still...it begs the question. Is there an assignment that I am missing or am I to be focusing on something that I am already doing...something that will restore the joy? 

Or maybe...just maybe, I'm already doing the doing that I am to be doing...I'm just missing the joy to be found in the waiting.  And we come back to joy...where is the joy? I know ultimately the answer is found in Christ. 

But...and there's that.  And that needs to be walked out. 

Oh...there's more...but I think I need to stew on this a while longer. I hope you'll stick around as I walk this out. 

(Update: I've written more about this subject in The Pretty & Wise Co's first book, The First Year, in the chapter entitled, The Question of Joy. You can purchase the book here: The First Year)

In the meantime, I would love to know your thoughts on this subject. How would you answer these questions?

• What's in your hand? List the things that are on your plate right now. 
• What skills, giftings, or experiences can you add to that list?
• Has God given you a specific assignment for this season in your life? 
• Do you find joy in the daily grind? Or joy in spite of the daily grind? 

Let's continue the conversation. Leave your thoughts in the comments below.

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When God Whispers...That Still Small Voice

It happened in the early days of our church plant at Journey. One evening the hubs and I were driving from Reno back to our new home in Fernley when we passed by a canyon. Sitting far back into the mountain-side was a building of sorts, with bright flashing red lights. I mean BRIGHT, and FLASHING! What in the world was that? I asked the hubs and he said that he had heard it was a  brothel!

And then I felt it. That heavy burden pressing in on my heart...it was palpable. My heart cried out for the women at that place...women who used their bodies for financial gain.  I wanted to weep for these women and hated the lies of the enemy that had led them to that place.  I knew this was the voice of God speaking to me...But what could I do?

God said pray...

So I began to pray for those women, knowing nothing about them really. Who they were...why they were there...if they even wanted to be there.
As I prayed, I asked God...Lord why? Why have you placed this burden on my heart?  What in the world could I do? Brothels are legal in Nevada...doesn't that mean these women are choosing this lifestyle? Are they living this lifestyle in response to a painful past, one even more painful than the life they are presently living out?   ...and on and on I prayed.

As we began to get settled into our new life in Nevada and our new ministry God began opening doors...slowly...oh so slowly.  Several things began to happen...

I met the Director of the Local Crisis Pregnancy Center. Journey had decided to take this on as a local mission and thus began a sweet friendship.  I even began training at the Crisis Pregnancy Center, thinking maybe God would use me there as a counselor. This invaluable training has deepened my burden for those women who find themselves in hard places. It has given me the ability to see these women as God sees them. Beautiful, loved and adored by their creator...yet marred by the enemies deceit and lies. His heart breaks over their brokenness. Oh to have a heart that breaks over the very things that break the heart of God!

I got connected to the Director of Awaken INC...a group in Reno that fights human sex trafficking right there in the streets of  Reno. I have heard first hand some of the atrocities that go on in our own 'backyard'.  Please believe me when I say that human trafficking is not just something that goes on in other countries far away. It is happening in our neighborhoods, to our children, across the nation.  God has opened my eyes to the heartache and pain, the brokenness that surrounds me. I continue to pray.

My next connection was with a woman I met through the Open Doors Women's Conference, a one day conference held by one of our local churches every year for all women in the community. Journey, our church, hosts this event in our building. It was there that I met a woman who is involved in a ministry that goes into the brothels just outside Carson City to minister to the girls who work there.  So we began to talk about how I could learn more about their ministry and how it worked
...and I continued to pray.

In the midst of all of the previous 'for such a time as this' encounters, our family moved to a new neighborhood...just across town. I love to walk and I began walking again as soon as we settled in, mapping out a two-mile route that I would soon follow day after day. The hubs came home one day from golf and said one of his golfing buddies told him that someone connected to the brothel, the madam, lived right there in our neighborhood.  I had been walking by her house every day!  As I became aware of the exact location I used this as the prompt to pray for her and the girls at the brothel as I walked past her house. I still do...although my walking routine has become rather sporadic.
 But still...I pray.

One gloriously beautiful day (we have a lot of those here in Northern Nevada), I went out for my usual two-mile walk. As I passed by 'the house' I distinctly heard a still small voice. "Go knock on the door." To which I said,  "What???!!!  Are you kidding me, God?  What the heck am I going to say if she opens the door? Hey...I know who you are?  I mean...really?  I can't even think of anything going on that I could invite her too. She would say no, anyway."  And on and on and on I went. I stood right there on the sidewalk for a solid ten minutes arguing with God. Telling Him all the reasons this was just...well... a bad idea!

But in the end...I went and knocked on the door.  I waited. I knocked again. I rang the doorbell. I waited.  Ok, Lord...you told me to knock. She has to be here!  So I knocked harder.  It was dark inside from what I could see. It appeared no one was home. Still, I knocked and I waited some more. Surely God would not tell me to knock if she was not there. What sense did that make? But no one answered the door. So finally, feeling a bit dejected...and relieved, I walked back out to the sidewalk.  As I stood on the sidewalk I looked heavenward and said, 'Why??? Why in the world did you tell me to go and knock on her door?  You knew she wasn't there..so why???

Immediately I heard His answer, "Obedience".

Okay, Lord...I hear you.

You see, if I am to be given the honor of walking out this ministry to these women, I first have to learn to step out in obedience to His voice. Even when it makes no sense to me at all! I need to be ready to go when He says, "go"; to do what He tells me to do; to walk in obedience to His word in every area of my life. So that when He is ready to open more doors in answer to walking the next step of this journey, I will be ready and willing to go through the door.  I suspect some of those doors are going to be hard to step through. They may take me way out of my comfort zone. But I believe I am willing and where I am weak and 'unable'...He will enable me.

 I believe He will bring others along-side me to continue on in whatever this ministry will look like. I'm still waiting and praying. I could run ahead and start things...but I know I cannot do this in my own strength...so I pray and I wait to hear His voice.

 I believe the primary way He speaks to us is through His Word.  In order to hear His voice clearly, we need to be grounded in His Word.(Click to tweet).  It certainly makes it easier to discern His voice over and against the cacophony of voices that surround us every day.  He may speak to us through a particular verse in scripture, a sermon, a friends advice, or a song we hear on the radio.  God's voice echoes through many different avenues the message He intends for us to hear.  However, it is so very important to be able to discern when those 'outside' voices conflict with God's Word...even the well-meaning ones. For it is then, when there is a direct conflict with the Word, we know that it is not God speaking.

And so...I sit before Him each morning, with coffee, reading glasses, and Bible in hand.  I wait expectantly because I know that He has a plan. I walk and pray...and listen for His voice. I know that in listening to His voice I will find the purpose He has for me...and in finding that purpose I know I will find my voice.(Click to tweet)

How about you? Are you listening for His voice?

Whether you turn to the right or the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you. saying, "This is the way; walk in it."   ~Isaiah 30:21

I am linking up with Jo Ann and the other beautiful women to talk about listening for the voice of God...hearing His voice and in that, finding our own voice...sharing our stories. Not to rehash the past...or commiserate over our wounded-ness but with freedom and joy and purpose to share our hearts and allow God to use us...our voices...to make a difference, to help women find hope and healing.

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One Word…It’s Not a Resolution!

I have been on a journey with words for quite a few years now.  It all began in 2008.  The hubs and I were ministering in a church in Washington D.C. We had just gone through the second traumatic brain incident with our son, Brad. The first being a stroke when he was 13 and now this one, which was just as if he had had another massive stroke. This second event had begun the summer of 2007, shortly after we had moved to D.C. for our new ministry. We were in the hospital(s) with Brad from July to October of that year followed with many months of Physical, Speech, and Occupational Rehabilitation.

I had just begun to get back into a routine of work, ministry, and lots of trips to the rehab hospital with Brad for his ongoing therapies, when I wrote these words in my journal on February 3, 2008:

Write.Write...Write!  This one word has been playing over and over to me now for weeks now, maybe even months.  Almost audibly I hear the word. I believe God is telling me to write. I have shared this with Rod, Lyndsay, and my ladies bible study. Now I feel accountable, but I still don't know WHAT I am supposed to write.

 That was the million dollar question. What am I supposed to write??? 

 Journal entry, January 7, 2012:

We are a week into the new year and I have been thinking about a word for the year ahead...a word from God. So far several words have come to mind, even the thought 'follow through' keeps coming back to me as I seem to be failing miserably in that area; most especially in the area of my writing. I still believe the word 'write' came to me from God years ago. I still have not fully explored that word. Another word that keeps popping up is 'obedience'. This just may be my word for 2012. ??? I want to wait for confirmation. I have been reading Debbie Macomber's book, One Perfect Word, and she is talking about her experience in choosing(or rather God choosing for her) one word to focus on each year. It has really made me think that God has led me to her book so that I would have a better understanding of why He is giving me a word for the year.

I waited and prayed the next few days about this whole One Perfect Word thing. I waited and listened and then I wrote this...

Journal entry, January 11, 2012:

When I stepped out of the shower yesterday morning one word came clearly to mind that seemed to encompass all of the other words that had been floating around in my head. DISCIPLINE. Of course all of those words could be summed up in the one word...focus, follow-through, obedience, and write...all of these things take DISCIPLINE! Later in the day as I was talking to God (out loud) in the car, I found I couldn't speak the word without being deeply moved to tears. Later that evening I found myself sharing with Rod about how God has been working with me for several years now giving me one word that keeps coming up over and over and how reading Debbie Macomber's book had now given me more direction on how to focus on that word for the year... how to glean from it all God wants to show me and how He wants to grow me.  I found that as I spoke the word discipline aloud again, tears sprang to my eyes. I knew this was confirmation that this was the word.

 Well...God has brought me a long way from that day in February of 2008. I have been a contributing writer in two books which are due to be published later this year. This may seem small potatoes to some, but I am still amazed at how God has brought all of this about and that He has enabled me to sit and write long enough to finish an entire chapter for one of those writing projects! I  also began this blog on October 2, 2008 in  response to that one word from God to write. I have hopes that it will be an encouragement to many others.  

I have a new word for this year...yep, you guessed it. NURTURE. I created the pic at the top of this post from one of my backyard bird photos. I think if you click on the word you can get a better look at the words on the picture. It's a bit small here.  After creating this graphic I challenged other women in my small sphere of influence to take the challenge to find the One Perfect Word, as Debbie calls it.   I began creating one word pics for friends who are doing the One Perfect Word challenge for 2013. I want to share with you all the paths that God has been leading me down as I do research on each word that I have worked on for others, so as I add the photos and the short posts about them, I will link them all back to the page, One Word Challenge. I hope that you enjoy them as much as I enjoy the creation process!
Here is the challenge I laid out for them:

Instead of a New Year's resolution, just pick one word (with prayer and the help of the Holy Spirit), for 2013. This one word will be your personal word for the year...dwell on it....meditate on it....work on it...by the end of the year let us know how it has become a part of your life. Here is the link to Debbie Macomber's video on One Perfect Word... Just click on it to watch Debbie's challenge...One Perfect Word . 

You can also check out her book here...Debbie's Book 

I will also be posting about the word that God has led me to for 2013...Nurture.  Already I find that I am learning to focus in on the word and have an open heart to receive all that God has in store for me in 2013.

Oh...and I'm still working those two words...discipline and write! I have a feeling those words will stay with me for a long, long time.

 
What about you?  Have you taken the One Word 2013 Challenge?  I would love to hear about it!