Battling Within the Walls…Let it go!

So I'm a pastor's wife…not only a pastor's wife but a church-planting pastor's wife.

I rarely write just from this perspective because, for me, being a church-planting pastor's wife is just part of the flow of my daily walk with the Lord. I would choose to work in the church in some capacity, whether I had the 'title' or not.  I did before I became a pastor's wife over 30 years ago, and I continued even when we took 13 years off from the ministry. I never took a break from God's people, His Church, or the local body of believers.

I believe, as the Bible says, the 'Church' is the Bride of Christ and that the located ministry of the church is God's design to encourage one another in our daily walk with Him. As it says,

And let us be concerned about one another in order to promote love and good works, not staying away from our worship meetings, as some habitually do, but encourage each other, and all the more as you see the day drawing near. ~ Hebrews 10:24-25

We, as the body of Christ, need a local body that will not only encourage us but also be a place where we can go to encourage others. It should be a safe haven, a place of healing, but also a place where we are challenged to walk closer to God daily.  A place that helps us learn to 'practice the presence of God' every single day of our lives.

We should leave each service ready to show the world in which we live…our homes, our workplace, our communities…the love of Christ. Not just with our words but with our actions.

That's how it should be and is for the most part.  But the local body of believers...wherever it may be located, is made up of many types of people. We are all in different places, or levels of maturity, in our walk with God, and some have yet to choose the path that God has for them. We are all capable of falling away from the life God has called us to, even as far as falling into the traps set by the enemy.

But he that dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose.
Anne Bronte, The Narrow Way

As a pastor's wife, and particularly a church planting pastor's wife I have seen both sides of the same coin.

• The great reward of having front row seats to witnessing the amazing change that the Word of God and His Holy Spirit bring about in the hearts and yes, sometimes the circumstances of men and women's lives.  
• The heartbreak of those who, instead of choosing God's way, try to figure out life on their own…even though their present circumstances resemble a bad train wreck. As the hubs likes to say, "How's that working for you?"

Let me break it down on a more personal level:

The reward:

 I personally love to meet with women and teach them how to look at their lives through the lens of the God's Word, the Bible.

 It is so rewarding to see women grasp hold of the love that God offers as well as the wisdom from His word and begin walking it out in their day-to-day life. Living it out in their homes, their workplace, and their communities.

I am encouraged to see the joy that comes from applying the principles of the Bible to everyday living. To see a woman transition from a life of worry and misery to a life of peace and contentment, even in the midst of serious trials, is indeed a rewarding thing.

I love witnessing the transformation…seeing the light in their eyes as they begin to realize their true worth and beauty as a woman created in the image of their Creator. The realization that she is forgiven and redeemable and not forever broken and worthless transforms a woman like nothing else I have ever witnessed. The very countenance on her face changes as the reality of exactly who she is in Christ sets in…such a beautiful countenance as the Holy Spirit comes in to set up residence in her heart.

I feel like a proud spiritual mother when a woman begins to understand her own calling and watches her step out, as a baby bird leaves its nest, and begins to serve others in the way God intended. Not my definition of who she should be, but God's. Not pride in my part in this in any way, but so very proud of the way she has allowed God to direct her paths as she begins to grow into the woman she was created to be. A woman who finally understands her purpose in this life blooms into beauty, one who is confident yet humble.

The heartbreak:

One of my greatest sorrows…seeing a woman begin to understand her standing with Christ and walk toward Him…only to find the road, or her limited understanding of it, too difficult to travel. She turns back at the first trial in the new life available to her…she begins to long for the old ways and turns back to what she was familiar with. Slipping back on the old life like a pair of familiar, comfy, and worn-out pajamas.

Witnessing the broken and fallen men and women coming into the church, as well as those who still refuse to test the Lord to see if He is good. My heart breaks when I hear some of their stories…stories that only the enemy of the soul could orchestrate with the intent to destroy the heart and soul.  Yes, we are all fallen…that's why we all need the redeeming work that Christ carried out on the cross so long ago.  We need a savior, and it is a privilege to lead others to my savior and see them embrace Him as their own. But still…the stories break my heart.

As a pastor's wife, my heart breaks when I encounter those who are within the church body, taking on the personal mission of tearing down the pastor and/or his wife.  I have seen it and heard it told in the lives of many of my fellow pastors' wives, and heard the pain they carried from the attacks. But to be completely honest and open about this issue as it applies to me as a pastor's wife, I never really experienced the critical naysayers within the church directed at me or one of my ministries, even of the hub's ministry, as I have in recent years.  At a time when I need the encouragement of fellow believers most, I have been either attacked or just left as an orphan of sorts.  And that is…well…heartbreaking.

I know that God's got my back. I rest in that. I try not to let the arrows of critical naysayers affect my moving forward into this thing God has called me to.  It is really hard not to respond to the latest nitpicking criticism with the facts that would prove them wrong. The ones that have a tendency to get under my skin are the personal attacks given in a self-righteous tone by those who tend to be mostly talkers of the Word rather than doers of the Word. But I know that it really doesn't matter. They will believe lies until they turn to God for the source of Truth and not to gossip.  It makes me want to cry out as the LORD did with His chosen people:

Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing. ~Matthew 23:37

The real issue is not against those people…it is not against flesh and blood. It is against the enemy of my soul…Satan. He enters into the battle with a vengeance when we are about the business of bringing people into the Kingdom of God. He hates that! He hates us. And the harder he battles against this mission, the harder we will fight for God. I will not be discouraged by the minority …the skeptics, the doubters, the naysayers, the gossips, the jealous, or even those who are just angry at everything…we just happen to be on their latest list of people to criticize. Even when I want to just quit and run away, I will not. God is in control.

The enemy still has battles and skirmishes to fight in this world, and he does win from time to time, but the WAR has already been won. The enemy knows he is already defeated, and he wants to take down everyone else in his path to destruction. Misery loves company, as they say.

The promise and the hope:

My choice will be to rest in the Lord.  I will surrender into His arms, into His peace, and into His rest.  He will be my sanctuary.  I will rest in the promise of His word:

The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent. ~Exodus 14:14

He will go before me and fight those battles, clearing the path. Only His path will bring about that 'peace that passes understanding'…that peace that does not make sense in the midst of tribulation and trial.  When the world around me fails, He does not. And yes, even when we as individuals within the body of Christ fail to walk as He has called us to, HE does not. His love never fails. 


The truth is that ALL of us have these battles in our lives, whether we happen to be a pastor's wife, a church-planting pastor's wife, or a woman (or man) whose heart it is to love the Lord and serve. If we are about the business of our heavenly Father, we will face trials of many kinds in this life on earth (John 16:33).  But we have our Heavenly Father in the ring, fighting for us. As Paul says in Romans, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31). We have His promise in the Word:

No, in all these things, we are more than victorious through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that not even death or life, angels or rulers, things present or things to come, hostile powers, height or depth, or any other created thing will have the power to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord! ~Romans 8:37-39

What are you battling today?  Are you ready to let go and let God take over?

I'm linking up with Holly at Coffee for your heart today…a day late. :-)

 

Alone Again…the Lie

Alone again…naturally…We all feel that way at times.

Broken promises…
broken relationships.

Surrounded by people, yet no one listening…
no…not listening but understanding.

Who understands your deepest longings?
Who gets you'?

So there you are…alone again, naturally!

There was a song that came out in 1972 by that title. Alone Again, Naturally, by Gilbert O'Sullivan, was a beautiful and simple pop song...with lyrics that were steeped in depressing sentiments.  Let me share just a few of the lyrics here:


But as if to knock me down
Reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces

Leaving me to doubt
All about God and His mercy
For if He really does exist
Why does He desert me

In my hour of need?
I truly am indeed
Alone again, naturally

It is not surprising to me that this song topped the music charts for 6 weeks straight.  Why? Because there is within each one of us a longing to be known, fully known. It is as if there is a hole that needs to be filled.  We look to all kinds of things to fill that hole…circumstances, people, material possessions. And when those things bring disappointment in our lives…we feel as if we have been knocked down…let down. We feel as if we are left alone to deal with the aftermath of disappointment in unmet expectations. When we hear of someone else experiencing those same disappointments in life, we don't feel quite so alone. Ironic isn't it?

So many times in our aloneness we turn to God…not for comfort, but to question. Why? If you are there, why did (fill in the blank) happen?  Why do I feel left alone to struggle with these feelings, with this issue?  Possibly even, as the song suggests, we begin to doubt God and His existence, His great love, and His mercy.  Ever been there?  When I find myself wondering…where are you God…I know I need to turn away from the voice of the enemy and listen to the Voice of Truth.

The truth is… 

We were created for relationship.

It is not natural for man or woman to be alone (Genesis 2:18). God created us to be in relationship. To live in community with Himself and others.   However, the enemy of our soul wants us to believe the lie that there is some one person or thing out there that can complete us…that perhaps God is not enough. When people disappoint us, when things don't fill the gap, we feel abandoned and alone, but the reality is...this is a lie from the enemy of our soul!

God is faithful

He is faithful even when it seems our world as we know it is falling apart. He promises never to leave us or forsake us. Be honest with God about how you feel and what you perceive your circumstance to be.  Whether you are disappointed, angry, hurt, no matter the feeling…God understands and loves you and wants you to come to Him.  While all of your questions and frustrations may not be explained away, He will offer peace and rest.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. ~Matthew 11:28-30

Only God, through His son, can satisfy our deepest longing.

That hole? Those deep longings within you?  It cannot be satisfied with marriage, children, or any other  thing we try and fill it up with. Are those things bad? No, both are from the hand of God and are indeed great blessings.  However, He did not give us the covenant of marriage and the blessing of children to fill  up our emptiness. If that were the case…then where would the hope be for the single or the barren? Or for that matter, why would there be so many lonely married women and men?

We must acknowledge that God is working in us something greater than what we immediately see. We must quit pushing against His greater plan for our lives, and join with Him in accomplishing all we were created to be.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and monetary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~2 Corinthians  4:16-18

If we are longing for something more than our relationship with Jesus Christ, then that something is an idol.  With God our happiness cannot depend on another human being, or material possessions, or even our own health. Jesus alone provides us with the strength and the ability to lead a productive, rich, and purposeful life.

Jesus understands the pain of loneliness. 

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering. Like on from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. ~Isaiah 53:3

Jesus is the only one who truly understands the pain of loneliness. He knows the pain of betrayal at the hands of one of His very own disciples. He, who knew no sin, went to the cross willingly. He was rejected and abused. He died an excruciatingly painful death on the cross. He did that to pay the penalty for my sins, for your sins, for the sins of us all.   In Him we have forgiveness.  HE is our righteousness.  It gives me comfort to know that HE is my advocate. He understands.

God can be trusted.

You are not alone in your struggles. God is with you. He is ready to help, guide, strengthen and encourage you.  God loves and supports His children. He can be trusted with you and for you!

What then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all…how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died…more that that, who was raised to life…it at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  As it is written:  "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  ~Romans 8:31-39

The problem comes in that we can only trust someone to the point that we know them.  In order to fully trust Him we need to know Him, and we can only know as far as we know His Word, the Bible.  Our own ability to comprehend God is limited.(Isaiah 55:8-9). The true God is revealed to us, all that we need to understand of who He is and how He works in our lives, through His Word.

Never alone again.

 His Word…His story…His promise to us that He will never leave us. When Jesus returned to the Father after His resurrection He left His disciples with a promise. That promise is for you and I as well.

And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever…the Spirit of Truth. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.  ~John 14:16-18

Never.alone.again. I am a living testament to that truth. Through it all…pain, fear, self-doubt, rejection, loneliness, death…and so much more. He has never left me. His promises are true. He can be trusted.

You are not alone.

Related post: Alone…and lonely

Every Wednesday Holley Gerth hosts the link-up Coffee For Your Heart and this week we're writing on the prompt "You Aren't Alone."  I hope that my post has encouraged you.