Wednesday, June 15, 2011

You Complete Me...or not?

I really believe that we all long to have a relationship with the one person with whom we will feel safe, secure, accepted, respected, cherished, wanted, encouraged to be all we can be...shall I go on?   Most seem to be either looking to find that relationship, or longing for it while feeling stuck in one that doesn't seem to be giving them what they are looking for...or expecting.


So many women I know seem to see more faults than strengths in the person they have chosen to spend the rest of their life with.  It's amazing to me that we can think positive in so many other areas of our lives even giving  most friends the courtesy of trying to think the best of them in the most trying of circumstances...but when it comes to our husbands...we turn into "negative Nellie's".  As a result, so many women, and men, jump ship before really trying to figure out what is going on in their relationship.

Ladies...if you want to have a good relationship, a ten...then don't be a five...what are you bringing to your relationships?   Maybe we should put into  practice the verse that is referred to as the golden rule..."Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Luke 6:31.  Clinical psychologist, Dr. Henry Cloud says, " If we want the great things that relationships offer-like love, security, and growth-then we have to be capable of building love, providing security, and fostering growth. When we are, we can have the relationships we want. Until we are, great relationships will elude us.".  Imagine if  we all took those words to heart and acted on them?  All men and women...wow...can you imagine the results?

If you are single and looking for "the one", don't allow all of your energy to be focused on the pursuit. Your energy needs to be focused on "being" the one. Pay attention to the person you are becoming. Do you have healthy relationship skills , healthy coping skills? Work on developing the kind of skills that will give you the kind of relationship you want. Yes, it is important to find the right person, but if you are not the right person you will just bring the other one down to your level. "Relationships fail when the skills to make them work are not present in one or both of the people involved."~ Dr. Henry Cloud,

If you are married please know that I am not saying that if you work on you and practice treating your husband the way you would want to be treated then all your marital problems will be solved.   I know that it takes two to make a marriage work.  But you do have to start with you. In your relationship with your husband, the only one you have control over is you.  Ladies, I have said this many times as I have taught and counseled with women throughout the years...we cannot be our husbands Holy Spirit!  Last time I checked that job has already been filled by One who is so much more capable and powerful in His influence than we could ever hope to be.  So what do we do?  We work on ourselves and pray for our spouses.  We practice good communication skills.  If necessary, in extreme circumstances, and with the help of godly counsel, we create the crisis that may be needed to nudge our spouses to wake up to that fact that they have married a daughter of the KING OF KINGS, who is worthy of his adoration, respect, love, protection...need I go on?

So...how about it?  Who makes you miserable or happy in your relationships?  You or the other person?  Or just maybe we are looking at this all wrong.  As my dear hubby is so fond of pointing out my very own words on this matter..."I can't be your everything...I will never be the one to completely fulfill you, nor should I try to be...only God can do that."  Are you allowing God to fill in the empty spaces?  Those spaces are God shaped holes and no human being on this earth will ever be able to completely fill them up.




Now that is something to think about...